Who steals free stuff?

"I want my book back and I want it now!"

I woke up this morning not knowing where I was. It was strange because as I was trying to figure out how where I was, I was pretty confused because I had gone to bed sober and I thought waking up confused was a drinking-related thing.

I was, or had been, asleep in my bed at my mom's house in Mountain Home. I forgot I had moved back down yesterday and had stayed up until almost 4 a.m. watching TV. I was still in sleep mode when I sat up after my mom knocked on the door and came in and started talking to me. I'm not sure what exactly what was said, but I remember telling my mom where my keys were and waking up a few hours later to her calling me to tell me she was brining my car back with a full tank of gas.

I spent a good part of my first day back in Mountain Home at the library. One of the books I came to the library to get was a study guide for the LSAT. I'm trying to convince myself to fork over $1,000 to take a LSAT prep course and I'm pretty sure failing a practice exam will take care of that for me. When I walked in, I asked for directions to the card catalog. The lady pointed at the computer and said someone else was on it at the moment. Because I'm too impatient to wait four minutes for my turn, I asked her if she knew where the LSAT study guide was. She walked me over to a section and the guy on the computer followed. He said he was trying to find the same book.

It turns out the book was stolen. I guess this was a good thing because it could have been awkward trying to figure out which one of the two of us could check out one book. But for real, who steals LSAT prep books from the public library?!? Who steals any book from a library? Library books are free! FREE! (Unless you live out of the city limits, please don't get started on that.) And who steals LSAT study guides? If you think stealing the LSAT study guide is a good idea, you shouldn't be allowed to take the test. Or admitted into law school. Or breathe.

So, if you're the person who stole the LSAT study guide, could you please return it to the library? Some of us other folks would like to use it too. They offer the test four times a year, so if you need it for longer than six months, you should probably buy the book yourself or forget about going to law school because you just may not be that smart.

While we're on it, if you've stolen ANY library books, please return those too.

When I was in Cuzco, Peru, in December, I bought a used book from a vendor on the street. When I opened it to read it on a bus later, I noticed it was stamped "Minneapolis Public Library." Don't be that guy who steals library books and sells them to people in South America.