Fake your own death and get away with it

What? I'm just as shocked as you are to find out I'm still alive.

If your plan is to fake your own death so your ex-wife can collect on your life insurance, there are a few things you should avoid doing. Such as going to see your doctor six months after your alleged death and continuing to go to work, paying taxes or filling out your own insurance claim.

Unfortunately for Ahmad Akhtary, no one told him these things. So he gets a fake death certificate stating he died from brain trauma in an accident in Afghanistan. Pretending to die in Afghanistan is pretty smart. Insurance companies may be a little wary about sending an investigator to the country due to the fact there's a war going on there and all. Iraq is another country with strong fake death possibilities.

However, this is where the good idea light bulb burns out for Akhtary because he continued to go to work and pay taxes. Then six months after his alleged death, he went to see his doctor for a check up appointment. Somebody alerted his insurance company who sent someone to question his ex-wife, Anne, who was trying to get the $550,000 pay out on the policy the two share. Not only did she crack under pressure and confessed to everything, they also found Akhtary's fingerprints on the insurance document, which means he had to touch it after his "death."

A judge sentenced him to 60 hours of community service and his ex-wife to 40 hours and suspended their matching nine-month prison sentences for two years, stating while fake insurance claims were serious, the couple had been less than sophisticated in their attempt and that no money had been lost.

Which means, faking your own death to commit insurance fraud is a serious crime, but since the Akhtary's weren't smart enough to pull it off, they got a reduced sentence.

Don't make the same mistakes as the Akhtary's did. If you're going to fake your own death to collect insurance money, be sure to follow these tips.

1. Save before you "die."

Find out how long it takes your insurance company to pay out claims, then save up that much money before "dieing." This way, you don't have to go to work until you get the pay out, you simply live off of your savings. Be sure to take the money out of the bank or have someone else, like a wife, make the withdraws for you so you don't get caught going to the bank to make a withdraw.

2. Pick a war-torn, third-world country to "die" in.

Most insurance companies are owned by rich white men who were suits and ties to work everyday and sit behind a desk. Ask yourself, is this country someplace this guy would go on vacation? If the answer is yes, pick a new country.

3. Stop going to work.

This step is easier to do if you've first followed step one. You're about to collect a lot of money for basically doing nothing, in fact, after you die, you're never expected to do anything ever again. There's no need for you to go your minimal- wage job when you're about to get more money then you've ever had in your life. If you really enjoy going to your job and feel that you'll miss it after your "death," perhaps you faking your own death isn't for you.

4. Stop paying taxes.

Not paying taxes is illegal. Know what else is illegal? Faking your own death. So if you're going to go down that road, you might as well go down it all the way and brake every law that helps you get away with the crime. Because after all, at this point, not getting caught should be you're main priority since you've already committed to the act. It's impossible to pay taxes without leaving a paper trail. And paper trails get you caught.

5. Don't go see your doctor.

If you're dead, you don't need a check up. Doctors are smart enough to know this so avoid going to their office. Also, avoid going any place dead people don't go.

6. Get a new name.

If you must get a job, pay taxes, go to the doctor's office and otherwise live, do so with a fake name. You should probably also think about moving to a new city, state and/or country so no one recognizes you walking down the street. It also wouldn't hurt to grow out or cut your hair and to dye it. Facial hair, or lack of, might help too.

7. Don't touch any documents that may be submitted to the insurance company.

Insurance companies don't want you to die. Not only does your death mean you get to stop sending them money once a month, now they have to send someone else a big check. They'd prefer for you to still be alive and if they can prove you are, they won't have to pay your claim. Don't make this job any easier on them and prove to them you're still alive yourself by touching the documents you send them. Since you can change your name and appearance but not your fingerprints (normally), it might be a good idea to wear gloves the rest of your life so you don't accidentally leave your finger prints on something and get caught. This also holds true for DNA, so be careful where you leave your body fluids after your fake death.

8. Pick a good accomplice.

Ex-wifes may not be the best idea because chances are, if she's an ex-wife, you've probably already done a number of things to make her mad at you over the years and the first chance she gets, she'll be ready to rat you out. So when investigators come asking questions and threatening jail time, she'll not only rat you out about this scheme, she'll let them know about everything you've ever done wrong in your life. Try to pick someone close to you that you know can keep a secret and won't give you up no matter what. But it can't be just anyone, it has to be someone authorities won't think is odd you listed as the beneficiary on your insurance policy. Pick someone like your brother, your mother, better yet, maybe even your priest, because no one will question a man of God. But if your priest agrees to go along with the plan, you might consider going to a different church because there's a good chance you're both going to Hell when you die for real. But this shouldn't be a problem anyway if you follow step number six.

9. Don't get caught.

Trying to pull something off of this magnitude is hard to do, but I'm pretty sure there are people out there right now who have done it. There are basically two rules to follow when you try something like this. Rule 1: don't get caught. Rule 2: When in doubt, see rule number one. Do what you have to do to get away with it.

10. When all else fails, be too stupid to actually convince anyone you thought you could seriously pull it off.

Playing the stupid card worked well for the Akhtary's. So either follow all the tips above, or follow none of them and tell the judge you were "just kidding around" should you get caught.