The "Rooster Man and a Budweiser Can"

Not long after I'd got 370 out of the hangar and back on the ramp, I was out there installing a "borrowed" tailhook follow-up door, and I heard a ROOSTER!

Out in the middle of a huge flightline complex, where there wasn't a chicken farm for MILES AROUND! I stepped out from under the airplane, and walked around a bit. Fellow crew chief Mike McAllen was walking by. (He'd been there about a year), and as he passed me, I asked him if he'd heard a rooster crow just now. "Of course!", he replied as he continued along.

"Don't you think that's a little strange out HERE?", I asked?

"Naw......it's not a REAL rooster, it's the "Rooster Man?"

"Say WHAT?"----(this place was getting goofier every week)

McAllen pointed to a tall B-2 maintenence stand on the other side of the cyclone fence, over in the AGE Yard (Aerospace Ground Equipment). At the top of the stand, stood this airman. "Watch him a minute.......he'll probably do it again," says McAllen.

About a half minue went by..........."Here he GOES----watch him!"........the guy held onto the rails, leaned back, looked upward and loudly "crowing", did the most perfect imitation of a rooster you ever heard!

"What's wrong with that guy.....is he NUTS?"

"No, he doesn't do that ALL the time............just every once in awhile!"

............(Oh, well that's DIFFERENT, I thought........if he did it ALL the time, I guess THAT would be abnormal)............

Duty at Lakenheath definitely WORE on people, and I suppose this was just this guy's way to "vent-off" a little from time to time. Over the next few months, I actually looked forward to hearing him! You'd be doing a brake change or something, you'd be sore and tired, and if you heard him crow, it always seemed to bring half a smile to your face!

Even married guys had to pull CQ (charge of quarters) at the enlisted barracks, at least ONCE while you were there. I'll never forget the one time I got tapped for it. The maintenence barracks was like "Animal House". I reported for duty around 1700, and would 'babysit" the place until the First Sergeant came back in at 0700 the next morning.

As the afternoon turned into nightfall, there was yelling, running and some sort of "clatter" coming from upstairs on the second floor. I went up the stairs, and found two Airmen, (obviously just back from the Club), chasing each other from one end of the hallway to the other. One guy would throw a (by now dented-up) empty Budweiser beer can at the other one. When the can whizzed by the second guy, they would BOTH stop, laugh their butts off, then Airman # 2 would pick up the can and chase Airman #1 back the other direction and throw the can at HIM!

I finally got them both to stop, before they woke people up who were trying to sleep, so they tossed the beer can in the TRASH can, and headed BACK to the Club! "GREAT" I thought...........NOW they'll come home even MORE DRUNK later on!

They never DID though............don't know WHERE they ended up that night...........and that was ok too,

I had one other incident very early in the morning. A guy came staggering into to the "CQ Office", and told me he couldn't get his key to work in his room door. I got his I.D. card from him, checked it against the room list, then got the MASTER key out of the filebox and took him down to "HIS" room.

What I did NOT know, (and what HE was a little too drunk to remember), was that less than a week prior to this, he and another Airman had TRADED rooms, and not notified anybody to make the change on the "room list."

I slipped the master key into the doorlock of his ASSIGNED room, clicked on the light for him, and totally SURPRISED the guy he had "traded" with..........who was in-between the sheets with a gal!

The drunk kid wobbled a little and said..........."HEY!....I DON'T THINK THIS IS MY ROOM!"

The guy in the bunk with the girl says "TWO ROOMS DOWN!.......KILL THE LIGHT, WILL YA?", as he proceeded to "entertain" his ladyfriend.

Women weren't allowed in the Men's Dorm, and I knew that. I also had a drunk on my hands. I escorted the drunk to "2-rooms down," where his NEW key worked perfectly, and let him in. He crashed on the bunk, mumbled a little and dropped off. There were only a few hours left and I'd be THROUGH with my CQ time, and it would all be someone ELSE's headache.

I got back to the little office, poured a cup of coffee, and as I leaned back with it, I thought about that guy with the girl in his room. The "proper" thing to do was to call the Security Police, file a report with the 1st Sergeant, and just follow the "letter of the law" as they say.

But I decided to follow the "spirit of the law" instead. They weren't making any noise or creating a disturbance of any kind.......additionally, I saw the girl's face and recognized her to be a WAF I'd seen before, so she wasn't underage and it was obviously "consensual." If I DID report it, the kid would end up in front of Lt. Col. SCHMIDT (the "Gestapo)...........and I wouldn't do THAT to ANYBODY!

And well..........I'd been 20 years old MYSELF once!

So.......I just drank coffee, read a magazine and waited for 0700. "1st Shirt" came in, read the log, nothing to report........."Everything quiet last night, eh?" he asked?

......I just acted like Schultz............remember Sgt Schultz from "Hogan's Heroes?"

"I SEE noth-ing........I HEAR noth-ing........I KNOW NOTH-ING!".........................................................................I just went home and crawled into bed.

And so life went on at "Hooterville"...........I'm not exactly sure WHO it was that started that phrase, but it wasn't long before EVERYBODY was referring to Lakenheath as "RAF HOOTERVILLE."

On the "world stage", the United States wasn't looking too good, as the Iranians were holding a bunch of American Embassy workers as HOSTAGES in Tehran, and they'd been playing with President Carter like a cat with a mouse.

That was about to change very soon.