Toughness is in the soul and spirit

This is going to be a bit long. And it's for family, and whoever ever would like to read it.

These last few weeks have been, well, literally Life Changing for our family.

We celebrated Thanksgiving, much the same as we always do. There were few of us, but we spoke to distant family on the phone, and just relaxed and enjoyed our time. Jilly wasn't feeling very well, so she just hung out in her room, and rested. On Wednesday, (day before Thanksgiving) I had picked her up from school, and since it was just a half day, she was excited to go home with me and make pumpkin pies. That's exactly what we did. We had our twin Granddaughters over also, so all of the 4 of them, Autumn, Kloe, Bryce and Jilly helped me make pies and jumped on the trampoline and sang a Happy Birthday song (recorded) to another cousin who turned 1 year old. I love to spend the day before just kind of 'nesting' in our home and baking with kids, and smelling the baking.... To me, that's what Thanksgiving is about in part. Making Traditions

Thankful to be with Family

At the Thanksgiving Table one of the children usually says our Blessing. Bryce is a bit young, so Jilly would have been the one to do it, but as she was in bed not feeling well, My daughter Katie had sent a Blessing recorded by her, of Austin. He had done the blessing at their Thanksgiving Table.

He thanked God for all of our Health and Happiness, together or apart, we are in each other's Hearts. That is so true. I absolutely loved playing that Blessing at our Thanksgiving Table, and hearing my Grandson's voice from North Dakota. It truly did remind us that it's in our Hearts that we will always be together

Jessica Hosted Thanksgiving Dinner again this year, and as always, she put on a Wonderful Dinner for Family to gather around.

Bryce had been 'working' with Grandpa Wayne, and wanted to show off his huge trophy!

After spending the afternoon and evening with one another, we eventually all went our separate ways. Wayne had to work the next day, and I planned to sleep in a bit, and do some house work. You know, just be lazy.

I got a call early in the morning from Jessica, that Jilly really wasn't feeling well, and they were going to take her to the hospital. Could I come and meet them there and get Bryce, so he didn't have to hang around while the Doc 'fixed' Jillly, and then I'd take him back to them later in the day. Sure, I got up, got dressed, and headed out. About the time I got to my car, I got a message from Jessica, that the Docs were going to "Life Flight" Jilly to Boise, and could I come 'right now!" I was just getting to my car when I got that message and discovered my car with fully frozen windows. Could I find an ice scraper? heck no! NOW I'm starting to move even faster, though I can't find what I need for anything, and I'll admit, I had a few choice words frothing out of my mouth. * So many thoughts in my mind.... Life Flight? She wasn't feeling well yesterday, but was fine the day before! jumping on the trampoline, singing, baking.... a Happy healthy girl.... hurry!

I managed to get the ice off my windows,....and my windows have the scratches to prove it. No, I never did find a scraper, but I did find something to claw the ice off..... On the way to Mountain Home's hospital, I called Wayne to let him know. Though I'm still somewhat fairly uncertainly sure that it just can not be that bad...can it?

I walked into the hospital and headed directly to the ER. Unfortunately (because of my kids' activities) I know the way fairly certainly. I found them in a room, and I can immediately see the situation is bad.... real bad...... frighteningly bad. * My son and daughter have devastated looks on their faces, and there is a crowd of people with very somber eyes around my grand daughter, while she is on a bed.

During the time that we were in our local hospital, there was uncertainty about what had happened. Evan told me that he'd gotten up early that morning, with a sore back. Since Jilly hadn't been well, he went to check on her. What he found scared him into immediate action. He says she was "blue" and non responsive. That is when they called to ask me to meet them. We are realizing that I'm not going to just pick up Bryce and deliver him back as we had thought. Jilly is in critical condition.

It is mind boggling how many thoughts you can have creating a whirl wind in your mind. We know that Life Flight is coming, and without her saying, I know that Jessica is going to ride with Jilly to Boise. Evan is in no shape to drive. We can NOT take Bryce with us. But I also know, that if that Helicopter leaves and Evan is left to his own devises, he will drive to Boise in his emotionally unstable condition. I do not want to call my folks to come and get Bryce, that is not something to explain over the phone. How do I do this transfer of Bryce, making sure I"m there to drive Evan? I send a few text messages to make sure my folks are even home. They are. Ask if they can watch Bryce? They Can. I'll be there in a second. I make my escape to take Bryce to them..... but I don't want to explain to them, in front of Bryce, this bad situation...though he knows something drastic is going on. He's been holding my hand watching, in the ER, though he's short, so he can't see much. I run in ahead of him and explain thru tears, that I'm driving Evan to Boise, because Jilly is somehow very very sick, and is being Life Flighted. I apologize for the abruptness, but I have to go, and I'll be in touch. A quick hug and smooch for Bryce, and I"m off, back to get Evan.

The helicopter is there, but not taken off yet, and Evan is ready to go. We get in my car, with the little bag from the hospital that has what Jilly had been wearing.... and our lives are forever changed, by, we don't yet know what.

My son is devastated....as am I. But we try to be calm, and just drive.

Wayne has been over in Tuttle, and I've been being in touch with him, and he's on the way. He has a horse trailer full of horses, and that has to be dealt with. He'll be there for me / us, as soon as he can.

As we drive to Boise, I'm looking out the windows, thru the rear view mirrors, the side mirrors, and I"m wondering where that Helicopter is. Why has it not left yet? WHY????? Oh Dear God, Why??? My son, sitting next to me, is obviously going thru the same motions, and starting to feel even more despair. "Why has it not flown over?" I have a best friend, Margaret, who works at the hospital, and has been there for me, thru out my life, in all kinds of trouble and Joys. I call her. "Has the Helicopter left yet?" Yes...several minutes ago. She knows what is going on, and I'd trust her with my life. I know she's not fabricating. For all of your future references, You simply can not see Life Flight along the highway, foothills, or anywhere, but it is there when it should be there.

We arrive at St Lukes Childrens' Hospital, where Jilly and Jessica already are. This is bittersweet for Jessica. She knows the quality of Doctors at this hospital is top notch. She spent so many years on this pediatric floor as a child herself. Remember? I've talked about her, and the Cancer she survived at this very hospital. She is Miracle #1, Jilly is Miracle #2, Bryce is Miracle #3 (she was sterile you see, so there would be NO children for her) She is already with a long time friend, who she met at a camp for survivors, years ago. Back in those days, Jessica and her friends convinced this young girl that she should move to Idaho, and become a Child Life Specialist. So, yep, she did move from Montana, and has been working with children as a Child Life Specialist ever since, and now she is head of them. Amy is a very special person to so many people.

This is just the beginning of days and nights spent at St. Luke's Childrens Hospital. Every hour was shocking and yet in it's own way an amazing blessing. She is in a medically induced coma, but we know that 'in there somewhere' is our Jilly, clinging to life for all she's worth. I've seen her do amazing things in her life, and she has a tenacity to fight and hang on. And she has a scrappy little tough body, that is about to work some Miracles, and save her life. Over the next days (that turn into weeks) Evan, Jessica and I live at the hospital, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. All at the same time, it seems to drag on and on without end, and sometimes speed by before we know it. We get awful, heart rending news, that just hearing makes US feel a if we can't survive it. Every major organ in Jilly's tiny body is compromised greatly. Her Heart, Liver, Kidney and Lungs are all damaged. Finally, we hear that she had contracted a harsh form of Strep. I had never even heard that there were different strains of Strep. But now we know that Strep A, is nothing to mess with. She had had Strep throat early in November, did the normal 10 days of antibiotic and 'got over' it. I know this, cuz the kids stayed with me during that time, and I saw her 'get over it' But apparently, "it" had lingered, and hit when we were least expecting it. That was her not feeling very well on Thanksgiving Day. By Friday morning, (we know now) she had gone into "Septic Shock" I don't know if you've ever heard of this, but I had. Hearing that gave me absolute chills. Septic Shock kills. Kills. Oh God, I prayed, No. Every morning/day/evening the first few days we got "not good news" But the Doctors were there literally night and day. We all took turns sleeping right in the room with her, and got so used to hearing the hum of all the machines that Jilly was on.

Life Support ....My Granddaughter on Life Support. * Every day my heart was breaking. * For her, who had such * promising life ahead of her, that now looked dim. * For Bryce ...who loves his big sister so much. * She's his bestest friend EVER. For my son and daughter, for my parents, and my sister and my friends, and Jilly's friends, who all love this Bright Little Girl, who will tell you often "I LOVE YOU" And is so eager to please.

This is her room, ...I took photos of her, so that the nurses and Drs could see her beauty as it would be again

I took her chaps and boots. I planned for her to wear them again, soon

I felt that I should be strong. I AM usually the strong one. I rarely cry. But in this process, I learned that I'm not really strong, when it comes to worrying about my children. Yes, I suppose outwardly I may have appeared 'strong' for the most part, but I also openly sobbed til I gasped for air. I've lost a child of my own, and I KNOW that ache is forever, ... it changes you, and I couldn't bear the thought of my children having to live thru this. I'm a Christian Woman, and my Faith became MORE during this time. Maybe that sounds backwards....but I decided to Pray, and ask for Prayers, and Believe. Yes, I believed that we would have Jilly in our forever lives. Then I also kind of went into a 'surreal' type of reality. We received the first goodish news on the first Sunday morning, that her lungs had quit deteriorating, and maybe had a bit of improvement. It made us nearly giddy, and not really know what to do with ourselves. Later, that same morning, that same Dr told us, that due to her body trying to survive, it had shut circulation down to her extremities and she was at the very least, going to lose 'tissue off her fingers and toes, probably actually lose fingers and toes, and possibly lose hands and feet"

Our beautiful girl

How do you get your head to wrap around that? You don't. * You just take it, and you are devastated....and you cry, you go somewhere alone and cry. You have to make phone calls to those that you've promised to keep up to date. And you know without doubt, that you can not say those words. You do make those calls, and the raspy sounds that you make are eventually formed into words, and then there is silence on both ends.

A specialist was brought in, along with the surgeon to take care of what needed to be done. My heart is begging for this not to happen, though if it must be done, to keep her alive, and with us..... While the surgeon waited, the Hand and Foot Specialist looked at her hands and feet. He analyzed and took his time. I'm pretty sure I held my breath, the entire eternity he was there.

He said

"You've heard the saying 'Don't just stand there, DO something!' ...well, sometimes, you have to "Stand there, Do nothing" He believed that there was enough 'pink' on her toes and fingers, and that they could do things to increase the circulation to these sweet toes and fingers, and mostly what I heard, was that he felt he could SAVE them. He said, he would fight tooth and nail. Never never had that seemed so beautiful a stream of words. Well, they did change some meds and do wonderful things.... and I believe God had a hand in saving my Granddaughters hands and feet, so that she can hold the reins, and put her booted feet into stirrups again. The specialists words kept coming back to me....then this came to me

Job 37:14

Hearken unto this, O Job: Stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God.

My Dad's hand with Jilly'sWayne's hand with Jilly's

Bryce holding his Big Sister's hand gently

Many days later, she was brought out of the coma. These were very tough days. Really it was days before she was totally aware, but the day that she was able to wave ...with those beautifully pink fingers .... how gorgeous is that?

A Young friend of mine(previous 4-H member) started a Facebook Page for Jilly. (almost at day 1) Prayers for Jilly became my place. There wasn't a lot to do during those 'awake' times, so I updated her progress from time to time, and watched and read in awe as the comments poured in from literally around the World. I have a lot of contacts on Facebook, due to my photography, and the friends I've made from Legacy of Legends. Those friends and more, held us up, and kept Jilly in their thoughts and prayers thru out (and still do) Thru photos, they had already watched her become an excellent horsewoman in her own right and have seen her learn amazing things and have wonderful experiences, that so many never have the chance to. These friends, literal and virtual, sent her some of the most amazing gifts. Jilly has a collection of stuffed horses and bears, large and small, to rival any!

this is just the first few that came

The intricacies of many are art forms themselves. She received an "Open Heart Collection" with a purple gem, (by Jane Seymour) from Colorado. Protective tack from Georgia, a huge glass Ball from Japan(an antique from fishing ships) in as close to a Palomino color as could be found, and way too many more to name them all.

Jilly's school called the last 3 Fridays of December (before Christmas break) Cowgirl Strong/Purple Days where the kids and many of the Staff dressed up all in western and purple (Jilly's favorite color)

I went to the school the first day to take this photo, for Jilly to see later, this is just her class, but the whole school participated. And yep, that's Bryce in there

Every morning, whether it was me or Evan, we would take a photo of the sun coming up and the view out the window

These are just a few

Jilly's Grandma Donna from Nevada

Jess

Bryce and Jess

Evan, my son

So much of this, just waiting. These two both made me so proud. They never left her alone, and never gave up Faith

Decor that was sent.... hung with care and love

My Mom and Dad

Evan had promised Jilly she could paint his fingernails. So here she is doing just that!

Lots of physical therapy, and still more to come

My youngest son came home from Lewiston, to just be with us

My sister

My parents and Me

This waiting room was never empty.

Jilly did get to come home on Christmas Eve. It was something we knew might not happen, and we were prepared to have Christmas wherever she would be. Jess set a tree up in her room. This photo of her looking at her tree, and the Ornament says

"There is Magic in Believing"

Yes, oh yes there is

Getting ready to come home

Christmas Eve!

She visits her school

Now days, we go for short walks

And they spend the night, and of course we cook. She is making Potato Soup

And she's been out to her horses

It's going to be awhile before we see her riding free and easy, but we will get to!

Peace

My life has revolved around my kids, and my Grandkids for so long ... I don't take them for granted....but let me tell you ...I appreciate every second with them more than I could have ever. Life can change in a moment. Hug your loved ones as often as you can. In spite of the Dr's predictions of everything, Jilly is home, gone back to school, and is to have a full recovery. There should be no lasting issues. This is more of a Miracle than you can imagine. Days that we went thru, seem somewhat distant, but I'll never forget them. And I'll never ever forget the folks that supported us thru all of it.

thank you always