Where's the WOLFMAN, Baby?

Coming home from a jam session the other night (I've been a lead guitar player for just over 39 years now------***and you thought I was just some rightwing radical)"***.........I was listening to the oldies on my car radio (FM 99.1)...........

"I took my troubles down to Madam Ruth

You know that gypsy with the gold capped tooth

She's got a pad down on 34th and Vine

Sellin' little bottles of......Love Potion Number Nine...."

..............yeah.........A-minor, D, A-minor, D, C, A-minor, F, E, then back to A-minor...............oh yeah. I sang along with it as I cruised down 18th.

It was dark out....as you'd expect at 1:30 in the morning. There was no traffic out there but ME at the moment. And then......for about five blocks..............

Mountain Home became Oceanside, California. My old Volkswagen turned back into a dark blue 57 Chevy Bel Air 2-door hardtop---California black plate "XZY 200"........I'd just pulled out from Taco Bell sippin' on a cherry coke as I shifted up into 2nd, glass-paks "cracklin' back there behind that old "283"

Dice swinging from the rear view mirror........stars were out, I didn't have to be back to Camp Pendleton until Sunday night. I'd survived 'Nam, I'd be out of the Corps in a couple of months, it was 1969, life was good and the future was whatever you wanted it to be.

Windows down and a gentle breeze flowed through the car as I "let 'er out a little" and shifted to 3rd. You get relaxed, you get "cool and nice", and as the headlights point the way down the long boulevard, this voice comes BOOMING from the old AM radio................

"ALRIGHT BABY!!!!MY MY!!!!HAVE MERCY!!!!!....'cause EVERYTHING'S GONNA be EVERYTHING!!........

And you knew THEN, that everything WAS ok.........because no matter what else might be going on in your life, it was of no consequence............'cause THAT was "WOLFMAN JACK" on the air, baby!.............gonna "play some tunes to make ya swoon!"

Wolfman Jack (deceased now) was an airwaves "mystic" you might say. Not always given to proper social etiquette or what we now call "political correctness", but he was "cool", and "really BOSS" (a 60's term), and through his show, he gave us an avenue to stride and dance on, as an alternative to plodding along in cadence with the rest of society. And somehow, you always knew that no matter WHAT kind of day you had, everything's gonna mellow out now............'cause "da WOLFMAN is on the airwaves baby...and da WOLFMAN is EVERYWHERE!"

And he seemed to BE everywhere, reportedly even broadcasting from Mexico at times, to avoid being hassled by "little brother" (who we now know as "Big Brother")

Wolfman said what a LOT of us thought. He was humorous, sincere, upbeat, played a ton of the rock and roll that we now call "oldies". When you tuned into his show, you knew before it was over, you'd be hearing words of encouragement, song dedications, some sheer craziness at times, and between the smiles and laughs, you'd be hearing the Belmonts, the Drifters, Chuck Berry, Roy Orbison, Sam the Sham and the Pharohs and lots of others when they were still making records!

You knew also that you'd be able to separate yourself from the job, and wind down for a couple of hours. He had a great show and a tremendous following.

He loved to play on the telephone too while on the air. He'd do something like calling a pizza place one night:

Pizza Guy: "Andy's Pizza, how can we help you?"

Wolfman" "Hey man, you got one of those infra-red secret agent spy scopes?

Pizza Guy: "Red thread on a stethescope?"

Wolfman: "No man...those secret agent spy scopes, the ones that pull in the moon, the stars and the planets.....?"

Pizza Guy: "I think you got the wrong number, pardner...."

WOLFMAN: "BYE!"

Wolfman understood compassion as well, and would do what he could to make his audience feel better. I remember driving an Oldsmobile I'd just bought one evening, and I believe I was over in Half Moon Bay at the time on the coast highway. Some guy named Rudy (I don't know how I still remember his name), called in and told Wolfman that he and his girl were having problems, and wanted to dedicate a certain song to her (I DON'T remember what the song was), but the Wolfman said he'd be delighted to play it in her honor.

But before he let Rudy off the phone, he told him NOT to think about her for a little while, because he would need all his "powers of concentration" to do a "cloak and dagger" assignment for the old Wolfman.

"ANYTHING, Wolfman Jack, we all LOVE ya here in this town!"

Wolfman: "OK man....where do you live?"

Rudy: "In an apartment building."

Wolfman: "Ya got some shrubery, some bushes to hide in, around that place?"

Rudy" "Yeah, lots of 'em!"

Wolfman: "OK man....sneak out and go around the back of the building, but make SURE nobody sees ya, understand?"

Rudy: "I understand."

Wolfman: "And listen man...this is CLANDESTINE...so you don't tell NOBODY man...I mean NOBODY about this! Ya got that?"

Rudy" "I GOT it Wolfman!" (Rudy says excitedly)

Wolfman: "OK Rudy, find the biggest hedge, where you can see all the way up and down the street, ok?"

Rudy: "OK!"

Wolfman: "Ok, when the coast is clear, and you're SURE it's clear....I want you to go ahead and "WHIZ" in the bushes.....but don't tell nobody, ok?"

Rudy: (laughing his butt off): "I'm on my way, Wolfman! We love you man.........you're the BEST!

....and he WAS.........

Back to November 29th, 2008.....I pulled up in front of the house, shut the VW off and took my guitar in the house, where my wife was already asleep. I turned the television on softly......a hundred+channels, yet nothing really worth watching anymore. Read the newspaper headlines for a few minutes, which only made it worse.

My wife had to be up very early the next morning to start an early dayshift at WallyWorld, so I quietly slipped into bed and lulled myself to sleep..............

"Way down in 'Luziana' close to new Orleans

Back up in the swamp among the evergreens

There stood a log cabin made of earth and wood

Where lived a country boy named Johnny B. Goode

Who never ever learned to read or write so well

But he could play the guitar just like a-ringin' a bell..............GO GO........Go Johnny GO go go.....................G....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I wake up some mornings and wonder what's happened. Guys have replaced Brylcream with orange hair dye and earrings, Girls don't wear ponytails, cashmere sweaters and poodleskirts anymore...opting for tattoos, pierced lips and tongues.

America itself is going into the toilet.

The Beach Boys have been replaced by the "Moon Men or the Blue Men" or whoever the heck they are.

Being one of the old "renegade holdouts", I still cruise the streets every great once in awhile in my '56 Oldsmobile, but it doesn't run as well on 91 octane as it did on the 102 it was originally designed for.

But you know, as much as I LOATHE what it's all become, I still wake up in the morning very blessed. I got to live in "American Graffiti" a clean dozen years before they ever made the movie.

In 2008, I also have the best little wife a guy could want or hope for, good kids and beautiful grandkids.

The rest of it sucks, but I really can't complain too much, because I've lived long enough to have been a part of a very special time in our country's history. A time that will never come again, and if you missed it.......you missed it.

No one really knows what Heaven is like, because no one has ever come back to tell us, but I've always envisioned God as a JUST God, and in the back of my mind, I've always pictured an opportunity to trade whatever mansions or streets of gold I might be blessed with, for an endless stretch of coastal highway, and my old Chevrolet. To ME, THAT would be Heaven, and I know THAT because I've already lived a piece of it.

And Lord, if I could just turn on that radio and hear "ALRIGHT BABY!!.....HAVE MERCY!!........MY MY.........EVERYTHING'S gonna be EVERYTHING, ya understand.........."

......Goodnight, Wolfman Jack, wherever you are......be cool brother, and be GLAD you're not here now. You wouldn't understand THIS at ALL!