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Friday, April 18, 2014

Step Away From The Scissors!

Posted Thursday, September 6, 2012, at 11:18 PM

(Photo)
Our grandson, Gavin who loves Ice Cream!
I confess that I am Scissor-Challenged.

What may you ask, is Scissor-Challenged? It is a hotly debated physical and mental condition which often goes undiagnosed in childhood. Mine certainly did.

Art Day in grade school was a nightmare. I can still hear my teachers say, "Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie," "How on earth did you do that?".

In the old days, you may even have been considered a little "slow." Teachers were not trained to recognize this particular disability.

Any challenged person had to resign themselves to a school record of an "E" for effort grade for their Art Projects.

Somehow scissors seem to take on a life of their own when they come into contact with my hands. I can't seem to stop. Cutting in a straight line is impossible when you have Scissor-Challenged Syndrome.

Without the proper treatment,this syndrome can lead to failure with sewing machines and pattern cutting. My Home-Ec Teacher discovered this when she chose the fanciest sewing machine for my classroom use.

That Bernina had it in for me from Day One! The moment I sat down at the machine, I knew that it was possessed. How else could it have deliberately sabotage my carefully laid out sewing projects?

Sadly, there is no known cure for Scissor Challenged People. I know that there are more of you out there, just quietly suffering in silence. Afraid to admit that you are unable to cut paper into a snowflake or trim the edges of a ribbon.

It is time to come out of the Sewing Box and confess to Oprah about your pain and suffering! And of course, there is, Good Morning America who needs a poster child for the 8:00 A.M. hour. Or Jay Leno and David Letterman who want to poke fun of you on the late night talk show circuit.

Doctor Phil may want to get on the bandwagon and set up an intervention. However, I haven't been asked to give up my day job to be his first Scissor-Challenged Patient.

Where is a Celebrity when you need one? Instead of posing naked for PETA, they should be up on Capital Hill demanding that special scissors be made for us challenged folks.

Sigh! I haven't come across too many of my own kind. There is still a valid fear of reprisals if you come out of the Sewing Box!

So I guess, I will just have to wait a few more years until a celebrity is diagnosed with this syndrome before I receive the proper medical attention that I deserve.

Until that day comes, I am going to lock up all of my scissors in order to prevent unfortunate accidents either to myself or others. I might even start a 12-Step Program!


Comments
Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]

LOL---great message as always Bonnie! Those Dems and Reps need to stop running with scissors! That outcome is never good.

As far as your "issue"---I really do not think YOU have a problem. If you are given crappy projects and patterns---the outcome is certainly going to be crappy. Surround yourself with a more creative/abstract group and I am sure you will shine.

Good luck with your project! Everyone needs a 12 Step Program. As far as a "celebrity" to be your poster child...perhaps Michelle Obama? Maybe paste could join in as well as the glue that holds this country together is certainly failing (albeit with great help).

Have a great day Bonnie. Great blog as always.

-- Posted by OpinionMissy on Fri, Sep 7, 2012, at 8:48 AM

I thought I needed to "poke" fun at myself. The past two weeks have been intense with politics.

A little humor goes a long way when you can paste with confidence.

-- Posted by KH Gal on Fri, Sep 7, 2012, at 9:51 AM

You do have a way with words. Unfortunately those on Capital Hill don't have sense so not handle scissors inappropriately

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Mon, Sep 10, 2012, at 9:58 AM


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Walking the Fence Line
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Fixing fence is the one of the hardest jobs on a ranch. I no longer live on a ranch, but I do know what hard work is. Fences are everyone's concern, but nowadays,the "hole" is always your neighbor's side not your own. It used to be that you would respect your neighbor and mend the fence together. If their cows got in your field, a simple phone call resolved the problem. You might even saddle up your own horse and help them gather them up. We need more people who are willing to roll their sleeves up and fix the fence regardless of who your neighbor is. There are people in this country who need to be reminded that a fence is like the way you should conduct your life. Your posts should be straight and neat. The wire needs to be stretched tight and your gate might be closed, but can still be easily opened. And most of all, we can all saddle up together and ride the range, it won't matter if you have an Appaloosa, Quarter Horse or Thoroughbred. The cows still have to be gathered, fences have to be fixed, and the range is a wide open space of opportunity for us all.
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