An Exploration of Bullying

I too think that the term bullying is over-used. I think that the difference between our day and today's situations is that we had a respite from those situations at school on the bus or elsewhere. And our homes were secure for the most part.

Kids these days have reminders everywhere electronically. Instead of having something written on the sidewalk, it is published for thousands to see.

And the parents were sure to administer swift justice when something wrong was done by one of their children. We had boundaries.

This is a very good blog. Having been tortured by kids during my school years and also to my shame, torturing a few vulnerable kids myself. I know how difficult it is to rise above something that seems to never end.

thank you.

Bullying is a difficult subject. It's so hard for children to learn to rise above, do what's right, and not go along with their peers when they are bothering other children. Our hope is that when instances come up, both childrens parents handle them correctly. A child who bully's needs to be taught the pain/hurt/damage it can cause. How to better handle the situation. And if it's bad enough, to be disciplined correctly. Hurting another persons' feelings, making them feel less of themselves is NEVER ok. It is the parents responsibility to know how their child behaves, at home and away, and to do the best they possibly can to teach them right from wrong.

On the other hand.. A child who is bullied, their parents need to be understanding. Comfort them, let them know how valuable and important they are. Teach them that sometimes that's the way of nature, that those other children don't understand what they are really doing. "Dust it off" Don't let it get you down. When you let the pain show, that's when the bullying continues and gets worse.

And sometimes parents do have to get involved. Some things are too big to "dust off".. but we need to teach our children how to try to handle it themselves. Getting involved and "taking care of things" for them sometimes will just make them more vulnerable. Another part of a parents responsiblity is to prepare them for the "real world", and sometimes the real world gets tough.

I have 2 young boys. And I let them know daily how important school is, we look at school work and read most every night. They know if they're not doing well, they will start losing "Fun" things until they do better.

But I have emphasized how important manners and behavior is. If I get a call from teacher/principle. They lose everything. There is never an excuse for bad behavior, towards a teacher or another student. There have been a couple times when I have had to do this, and I backed it up (no video games, no t.v., no playtime w/ brother inside or outside). But if you make the punishment severe enough, you only have to back it up a couple times! (I got a call about being rowdy in class, not listening to the teacher, he was grounded that week, and I took his Saturday football game away... boy did I hate taking that, but guess what, his teacher commented on how great he was after that.)

And one major thing my mom and my grandmother taught me when I was young. "Think before you speak, and.. If it's not nice, don't say it."

Grandma might not remember telling me to think before I Speak, I was pretty young, but the way she said it... It's stuck forever!

These are just my opinions, but I think if we all worked a little harder at raising our children to be thoughtful and complassionate we'd have a lot less problems.

Good blog Melodie!

And thank you Melodie, I think this is a great blog. It's a good thing to get people thinking and talking about.

Great blog and great comments

Thank you ktlm, you make me very proud

Thanks everyone! KTLM, I may not be a parent yet, but you sound like you have a grip on it at least in this avenue. Adding your words to my collection of parenting advice I will try to keep in mind when I do get that blessing!

I wonder why children aren't afforded the same right to self-defense as adults are?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0pULd9--gE

In the case noted, both the bully and the victim (though balance of power changed) were punished. Why?

If you're walking down the street, and someone puts their hands on you, you are legally protected to repel an attack up to, but not exceeding the violence level used against you.

I'm a little lost why child victims aren't protected from fighting back. An "eye for an eye" mentality isn't always the answer, but more often times than not, balances the scales. If a child was victimized in other ways, would we not expect them to fight back when they're backed in a corner?

And why aren't schools held more accountable? I mean, I get it...schools aren't a day care center. They're there to educate our children. But they're also responsible for our children while they're in their care. How is it that school staff aren't liable for not Duty to Rescue?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duty_to_rescue (I know, wiki isn't the answer to all, but it's a good ref point)

More importantly, why aren't parents held more accountable for not instilling a moral compass in their children. I guess there's possible post-civil action, but isn't that too late? If my children ever bullied another, and I found out about it, they wouldn't have to worry about their video games being taken away. They'd have to figure out how they're going to get a new one because they were made to burn the console they had. On the other hand, my children are not raised to be victims, and if they witness a child bullying another, the situation will be promptly ended. I have no problem letting my A-average kids do their homework and lay around the house during out of school suspension, after cleaning a bully's clock. They're not going to be punished by me for doing the right thing.

By the way, great post(s).

Wonderful perspectives I hadn't actually even considered Darksc8p.

Excuse me, JYD. But that kind of name calling I would expect from a 12-year-old, not an adult. Would you care to discuss and actually contribute to a potential solution, or are you just going to insult people?

For the record, I feel pretty **** fearless. Since I was 16, I've been bringing my opinions to this forum against formidable, ruthless people. I've stood by those opinions while adults called me nasty things.

I've lead my siblings through difficult times when my parents had to fight for your right to be rude to others. I took on a journey to be halfway across the world from my parents. I've done things many a person my age wouldn't feel confident in, solely because I was bold enough to try.

I will always stand up for the underdogs and the downtrodden, because I've been there. I put my real, full name on this blog that expresses many an unpopular opinion, while you hide behind a screen name calling people names. Who is the weak, scared one?

Thank you Lilmissmelmo.

It's amazing to me that we can have a blog about bullying and the problems it causes... and then you get one of those "bullies" in on the blog.

My first instinct when I saw Junkyarddog's comment was to defend as well. But... what's the point? I've watched "converstations" on this website involving such people. They are ignorant and not worth the time, energy, or thought.

Kt, you said what I was thinking

Amazing that it's "adults" making the bullish comments, well, Melodie,you know where to file that.

I have watched the documentary Bully several times, and i think everyone should watch it, no exceptions. I have my students watch it. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM BENEFITTED FROM IT.

Jessie

Thanks Lil. But honestly, when ever I bring those observations into a bully conversation, no one can really give me a straight answer, to include school staff. It's kind of weird. I just don't understand how adolescent victims of bullies are punished along with the bullies when fists fly from both sides. By definition a victim fighting back is self defense. Or how adolescent bystandards are punished for intervening. I mean, when the name calling stops, and the victim becomes numb, the scenario likely erodes into physical violence. Is the victim supposed to armadillo up and take it? And unfortunately, sometimes when victims snap, because we're all human and have our breaking points, it's usually the innocent who get hurt. Is there any case law from slander cases in regards to cyber bullies? Show me a parent not 'correcting' their child after haveing been successfully sued for $20K and I'll show you a unicorn flatulating gold dust. For bullies, it's about power and attention. If they don't have one or both of those, there's no bully/victim scenario. My belief is, empower those who are preyed on. Teach them responsibility and situational management with there new rights...like all of us adults are 'supposed' to know. I'm willing to wager we'll see a rise in cowards their noses broke and on the other side, see a lot of kids flourish and contribute something positive to the world around them. :-) Sorry about hyjacking the post.

So, junkyard dog, it sounds like you are saying that you are a predator or a scavenger?

I'm not saying a child shouldn't defend themselves if physically attacked, but bullying isn't always physical, and in any case, a child defending themselves should not be punished.

As per usual, you missed the point of my post, and the points of those who commented.

I'm not saying a bullied child should take it. I'm saying they should be treated like adults who defend themselves. We should not punish a child who tries to protect themselves when physically atracked. We also shouldn't allow kids to get away with the viscious psychological attacks they employ as children. And JYD didn't need to name-call to make his point.

Unfortunately, lilmiss, the child punished {I assume you mean at school} for defending himself is a consequence of the ridiculous zero tolerance {for common sense} policies most schools have these days. My own kids have always been encouraged to defend themselves, and those who couldn't.

As to your original post, you must remember that some of us were unprepared for the cyber bullying that goes on today. When I was a kid, a bully could follow you home, but once you were inside, it was over for the day. Most parents who tell their kids to basically suck it up and deal with it don't realize the extent that this kind of thing goes on electronically, that there kid has no escape. And also keep in mind that what some see as fair, others see as an overreaction. Honestly, in the acne example you gave, suspending the kid from the bus seems like just that. Of course, I know only what you wrote of it, so maybe it was a long time coming. Maybe it wasn't the 1st time, you weren't the 1st kid, etc.

As I have raised my own daughters, I can say most situations of this nature were handled with a combination of the "we need to take action" and "rub some dirt in it" approaches. I have spoken to parents about situations and had it go well. And not go well. All I have really wanted for 19 yrs is to not screw up my kids!

The ins and outs of bullying is never ending. I see it in my job, where the bullied finally fights back, and gets in trouble because the bully tattles, when the bullied had been keeping it to themselves. The bully can't take it on their own and goes and tells a teacher or some other authority.

The one that should be punished walks away

The tormented is punished

Makes me crazy

That we have name calling on this blog is ridiculous.

Melodie herself has been bullied right here on these blogs for simply daring to have her own opinion and speak it. Though she was articulate and always polite, she was called names by several bloggers here.

Apparently some never grow up

Jessie