DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

You band with other guilty surplus cow owners and write laws to make sure everyone can share the cows but there's not enough cows to go around so you borrow cows from other countries, paying enormous interest but still don't have enough cows so you lease more and pay more interest. Soon you have no money, the cows don't produce milk and the people who haven't got their cow are really pissed. So you lease more cows and so on and so on.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and promises you milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal's. The illegal cows use up all of your resources, stop making cheese, while the English cows have to work harder to pay to keep everyone happy. You go broke with millions of cows wandering the fields. You are forced to borrow from other states to keep your cows fed, educated and given all the free services they want, except for the English cows who have to work twice as hard but get no free services.

I wonder what I would do with two cows...give them weird names, feed them and love them. give my grandchildren rides on their backs. Milk them twice a day. Share the first milk with family and friends, bartering the milk for things my neighbor has plenty of. Sell the milk from the second milking and use the money to buy a few more cows to milk once to share and twice to sell each day. Everyone is happy.

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