Thank you, Daddy

love those little toes!

I was feeling pretty blue today after seeing my dad for lunch. As many of you know, he's been in the Elmore County LTCU for over a year now. Maybe it was guilt that made me feel that way, I don't know. My mom has been in Texas since Friday and so I've been helping my dad with his lunch. Mom is the one that always helps him with his meals. Since she's been gone, I hardly get a reaction from him when I sit down next to him. I help him eat and even before he's finished with his last bite, he's already dozing off. It made me realize that my dad and I had the same kind of relationship "before" his illness. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad dearly with all my heart, but we never really had a lot to say to each other. I don't know why, even though between my siblings and me, my dad and I had the most in common with me being in the Air Force and working on jets just like he did.

Maybe that's the reason I chose that job, on that fateful day, when he took me to the recruiters office. Maybe I did it for the 'conversation starter' effect it would have!! You see, he was expecting me to sign up for something in the med/dental field. It was a no brainer since I had worked for over a year as a dental assistant through a health occupations course in High School. No. I wasn't going to have that. When the recruiter told me ( and I bought it...go figure!) that my highest score on the ASVAB test I had taken was in the Mech/Elect field, I jumped on it. I didn't think twice about it. I was going to become an "Integrated Avionics Attack Control Systems Specialist". A 326x6 and I was going to work on Jets. When my dad was bringing me home after I signed up for my career field, he asked, "so did you go into the dental or medical field??" I said "no, I'm going to work on the Flightline!" I swear to GOD I remember the car coming to a complete, screeching halt on the interstate!! In San Antonio....a SIX LANE interstate! YOU'RE GOING TO WORK ON THE FLIGHTLINE???!!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??? It wasn't that he didn't want me to do what I wanted, he was only concerned for my well being. At that time, I did not realize what he was feeling. All I knew ( all I THOUGHT I knew), was that I had to make him proud of me.

After going to Lowrey and Plattsburgh to learn my job, I headed overseas to RAF Lakenheath to my first base and being one of only 4 females in our section, I felt pretty proud of myself. I had done it. After about a year, I went home on leave and as soon as I saw him I saw it in his face and in his big brown eyes. He was proud of me. He didn't have to say a word. After my 30 day leave, I went back to England and felt I had to do more. I learned how to parachute. I talked my new husband into learning with me. Then we come to Idaho and snow skiing, water skiing and white water rafting became my new "thing". And now along with my husband and son, it's snowmobiling. I still have that desire for someone to be proud of me and I still have someone that is concerned for my safety. And I'm ok with that now. I don't have anything to prove to anyone anymore.

I'm proud of myself and my husband for our relationship that we have built in the 25+ years we've been together. I'm proud for the two kids that we have raised. For the person that our daughter has become; a loving wife and wonderful mother.

(Dear GOD, please watch over her and her little family; hold them in your loving hands when times are trying and gently guide them when they're lost. But most of all, smile down on them always).

For the boy that is becoming a young man who likes the daredevil stuff his father and mother love also.

(Dear GOD please hold him in your hands also, and catch him if he should fall. But most of all, watch him like you watched over us!)

There is one thing that I will do differently with my kids that my dad didn't do, (I hope I already have), and that is to tell my children, I AM PROUD OF YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.