Journeys in lifePosted Saturday, October 8, 2011, at 1:35 PM
As most of you who have read my bio, I'm raising my 16 year old grandson. It has been both a blessing and a terrifying chore. The" how" of it came to be is a long and very sad story. His Mother, my Daughter, has inflicted a great deal of pain on everyone involved. Now it seems my grandson will be moving to California to be with his Mother. She is on probation there as well as here in Idaho. She can't leave California for almost 3 more years, has almost no income due to the amount of restitution she owes, and now is being pursued by Idaho for child support, (which is the small check we get each month to help cover expenses) plus the cost of his Medicaid. The state is threatening to violate her probation over this and her answer is to drag him from a home he has come to love. A home where he has become both physically healthy and emotionally and mentally healthy as well. He would move in with her and her high school girlfriend and her 2 kids in a small 2 bedroom apartment in San Jose Ca. A place I have sworn never to go back to. I have come to view him as more of a son than grandson, and because of this, the distress I'm feeling as well as the sadness is almost overwhelming. The combination of my Mothers health and impending death coupled with the loss of my grandson feels like my life is coming apart at the seams. You folks also know I'm a recovering alcoholic, 18 months sober and still working on it. When this part of my journey in life (raising my grandson) started, I felt that the reason I became sober was because I would be needed for some reason. Two months later my grandson came back into my new life. Four months later, his Mother was in jail, and the job of raising him was given to me and my wife. We not only had to deal with his drug use, but the fact he was an untreated bi-polar. We ended up having him committed to Inter Mountain Hospital, where, thank God, they were able to find the right combination of meds, and started him on therapy. I've said before that these blogs are sort of my therapy, my sanctuary. I have always known he would grow up and leave home to start his own life, but I never thought this would happen. My daughter hasn't talked to me about this, just her Mother. The last time she broached the subject with me and I made my feelings known, she called me a selfish uncaring person who would let her go to jail, rather than let my grandson move to California. You know what? I AM! Why should Christian pay a price for his Mothers transgressions? Legally I can't stop her unless I go to court and start a battle that should never be fought, and I'm not going to put Christian in the position of having to choose between me and her in a court of law. Now, if at the last minute, he decides not to get on that plane and wants to stay, she would have better odds of dealing with a wounded grizzly than dealing with me in that situation.
Thanks for listening and having a place to post my thoughts and feelings.
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I'm an almost 61 year old transplant from California 6 1/2 years ago. I work in road construction, those dastardly flaggers. My family roots go back to New England farms, not the big city. The last town I lived in when in California grew from 16K to 40K in 10 years, and that was enough to drive me out. I don't engage in or tolerate name calling. Name calling reduces an adult discussion to grade school play yard level. I have never served in the military, but have family members who have, dating back to WW1. I am neither a Democrat nor a Republican. I am neither extremely Liberal or Conservative. I am raising my 16 year old grandson, not what I expected at this age, and dealing with those issues as well as my health and near retirement which are 2 things I intend to talk about. I decided to try my hand at this thanks to the warm welcome I have received on Mike's blog. When I take a position, I will defend it until I am shown that I am mistaken, and when that happens, I apologize. There are other things about me that will come out over time I'm sure.
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