Step Away From The Scissors!

Our grandson, Gavin who loves Ice Cream!

I confess that I am Scissor-Challenged.

What may you ask, is Scissor-Challenged? It is a hotly debated physical and mental condition which often goes undiagnosed in childhood. Mine certainly did.

Art Day in grade school was a nightmare. I can still hear my teachers say, "Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie," "How on earth did you do that?".

In the old days, you may even have been considered a little "slow." Teachers were not trained to recognize this particular disability.

Any challenged person had to resign themselves to a school record of an "E" for effort grade for their Art Projects.

Somehow scissors seem to take on a life of their own when they come into contact with my hands. I can't seem to stop. Cutting in a straight line is impossible when you have Scissor-Challenged Syndrome.

Without the proper treatment,this syndrome can lead to failure with sewing machines and pattern cutting. My Home-Ec Teacher discovered this when she chose the fanciest sewing machine for my classroom use.

That Bernina had it in for me from Day One! The moment I sat down at the machine, I knew that it was possessed. How else could it have deliberately sabotage my carefully laid out sewing projects?

Sadly, there is no known cure for Scissor Challenged People. I know that there are more of you out there, just quietly suffering in silence. Afraid to admit that you are unable to cut paper into a snowflake or trim the edges of a ribbon.

It is time to come out of the Sewing Box and confess to Oprah about your pain and suffering! And of course, there is, Good Morning America who needs a poster child for the 8:00 A.M. hour. Or Jay Leno and David Letterman who want to poke fun of you on the late night talk show circuit.

Doctor Phil may want to get on the bandwagon and set up an intervention. However, I haven't been asked to give up my day job to be his first Scissor-Challenged Patient.

Where is a Celebrity when you need one? Instead of posing naked for PETA, they should be up on Capital Hill demanding that special scissors be made for us challenged folks.

Sigh! I haven't come across too many of my own kind. There is still a valid fear of reprisals if you come out of the Sewing Box!

So I guess, I will just have to wait a few more years until a celebrity is diagnosed with this syndrome before I receive the proper medical attention that I deserve.

Until that day comes, I am going to lock up all of my scissors in order to prevent unfortunate accidents either to myself or others. I might even start a 12-Step Program!