When Domestic Violence "Hits" Close To Home

Love Is Not Supposed To Hurt---Or Leave Bruises And Cuts.

I have a really good friend who is currently caught in this trap. She is a college graduate, smart, outgoing, pretty---and a mom.

She got involved with a guy she found charming. I can remember the day I met him like it was yesterday. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. There was a darkness in his eyes that extended to his soul. He scared me from the start. I tried to keep an open mind but there was something about this "man" that was very, very dark.

After I met him, my friend called very excited. She wanted to know what I thought of the "man of her dreams." What in the heck do you say? So, I told her the truth. I told her he scared me and was very "dark." I told her she needed to re-think this decision. She did say that he had a troubled past and that he had a very bad childhood but did not want to talk about it. I told her to run---that he was not hers to "fix." Then she told me---she was in love with him and pregnant. When she told me, it was like being kicked in the gut with a plastic bag over my head. I felt sick for her---sick for her child and the baby on the way. Something with him, the man of her dreams, was very much not right.

Well, it was not long. I got a phone call one night, late, and she had been raped. She is pregnant with his baby and he has forcible sex with her as her son sleeps in the next room! I was outraged---beyond words. I asked her if she had called the police. She said no and that she would not. I begged her to go to the hospital. She said she would not. Then she said it...she was going to do nothing because he did not mean to do it, had said he was sorry and that it would never happen again! I tried to reason with her. She had said no. She fought. She said she loved him and he did not mean to hurt her. WHAT?!?!?

The list of abusive behavior goes on and on. She is expecting a baby in about 45 days---his baby. She has a young son as well who is living with this too. He is a smart young man and I know that he has seen the violence and abusive behavior. It breaks my heart and wounds my soul.

How does this happen to a smart, college educated, beautiful, wonderful person? I just do not understand it. Why will she not leave? She knows he is broken and that he is not a "good" person. Why "wait" for what is sure to come?

Domestic violence has no boundary. Domestic violence is color blind and gender blind. Domestic violence knows no social or economic boundary.

For those who may say I do not understand the situation, I do. My first husband put a loaded gun to my head and pulled the trigger as he said "I could kill you, bury you in the backyard and your family would never know where to find you." He was right. That was the LAST night I spent in that house with him. I fled to another state (the next day) and filed for divorce. I knew in my heart that he would kill me if I stayed and that my family probably would never know what happened to me. There was never any violence or abuse prior---which scared me all the more. I knew I had to leave. There was no other choice.

Here are some facts on domestic violence:

One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

85% of domestic violence victims are women.

Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.

Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.

REPORT! REPORT! REPORT! Nobody has the right to lay a hand on another person in anger. Nobody has a right to verbally abuse another human being. If you are in a tough situation, there is help out there for you. Please consider your options. You always have options!