How ballet changed my body image
I don't look like your average ballet dancer. Perhaps back in high school, I was a little closer to that look, but as most of us find out, adulthood and weight gain can be closely linked if you're not careful.
I've been very active, particularly in dance, since my days as a cheerleader at Mountain Home. but it wasn't enough to mitigate the gain, and I find myself struggling with what I see in the mirror and stuff into pants very frequently. I've become a master at dressing in ways that "flatter my shape".
As a child, my family refrained from putting me in ballet for a multitude of reasons. When I got to college and discovered I could take it as an elective credit, I put it off to lose weight. The weight just kept finding me, but this semester, I decided to don those unforgiving pink tights and the skin-tight leotards, despite it.
The first day, I walked in wearing a wrap skirt over it and breathed a sigh of relief when my instructor told us we could wear cover ups unless it was an evaluation day.
I suck at ballet. This is labeled a beginner course but only a few of us have never had ballet training. Though I have been dancing for a few years, this style is extremely foreign to me.
But in the month since I've been in class, I have witnessed my own metamorphosis. It was extremely clear to me last night, after completing my first evaluation. To film the class, we performed to a wall, instead of the mirror. We each performed our combinations in very small groups. No hiding behind a more skilled dancer to figure out things on my own.
I felt incredible. I made very few mistakes, and though my turnout is weak and my standing flexibility limited, I felt strong and graceful.
Stepping on the scale, I found I've lost almost ten pounds this month, and all my pants require a belt to keep them up. This is a wonderful benefit, and a result of ballet and the healthier diet I have adopted since beginning.
But ballet had a deeper impact on me. I no longer fear wearing just a leotard and those tights. I am so focused on getting better at ballet that I cannot even think about if my gut is hanging over my tights (though to maintain balance, I am usually sucking it in automatically anyway).
Mastering combinations makes me awed by my body, and I feel like I have super powers accomplishing what I have. I think to a quote from Divergent, when the main character comments on how she's the weakest person in her group. Her friend reassures her "You'll be the one who improved the most."
Ballet gets a similar reputation to modelling - the eating disorder rate for dancers is nearly ten times higher than the general public. The pressure to be light is heavy, But I am finding that with care, my weight will catch up to the rest of the ideals of ballet. For now, I am basking in what I can do despite my weight.
I love my body, because it is a vessel through which my soul expresses itself. Dancing produced that attitude. The other day, I free styled in the studio with just our accompanist (I don't know why she stayed behind, but I'm glad she did). The song was beautiful and made me happy, and I could finally express it in dance. It was freeing. I left the room feeling like I was flying.
I hope other dancers can feel that way. It starts with a change in how we raise children, I think. My parents raised me to value personal growth over appearance, strength (physical and emotional) over vanity.
Part of me wonders if my late introduction to ballet changed the way I connected body image with dancing, but I'd like to think if I'd started younger, my parents' guidance would have lead me to the same conclusions.
I will leave you with the following quote from a fabulous book I've been reading:
"When it comes to the inevitable comparisons with others, remember this: everyone develops at a different pace, and that goes for both body development and for technical prowess. Some people are turners, some get gorgeous feet, and some have ideal proportions. Most dancers have at least one asset; no one has them all. Remember that you are comparing yourself to other dedicated specialists, not to ordinary people, and that what you are trying to do with your body is really very hard and not particularly natural. Allow yourself to take pleasure in what you do well while you work on the rest.
Be kind to yourself and remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: No one can make you feel inferior without your permission. That goes for the mirror too."
- Eliza Gaynor Minden, "The Ballet Companion"
- -- Posted by Sam_1776 on Thu, Sep 25, 2014, at 8:11 PM
- -- Posted by KH Gal on Fri, Sep 26, 2014, at 6:55 AM
- -- Posted by lilmissmelmo on Fri, Sep 26, 2014, at 9:10 AM
- -- Posted by Sam_1776 on Fri, Sep 26, 2014, at 6:09 PM
- -- Posted by jessiemiller on Wed, Oct 1, 2014, at 6:45 AM
Posting a comment requires free registration:
- If you already have an account, follow this link to login
- Otherwise, follow this link to register