Verbal Abuse Is Common Among Us

I am sure that everyone has heard the very popular saying, "Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me". Whoever said this must be emotionally numb. Getting hit by objects most definitely hurts and is not how I like to spend my free time, but usually the pain is temporary and the wounds heal. Being ridiculed and put down can cause injuries that cut much deeper and penetrate our will to go on. Most of us have seen the movie "Cipher in the Snow". It is about a kid who is considered a reject. His peers at school teased him on a daily basis, his step-dad thought he was stupid, and his teachers called him a daydreamer and didn't think he tried. Then one day this kid collapsed and died. As the movie continues it is suggested that he died of a broken heart. Just about everyone in this kid's life rejected him. How many people in our lives have we rejected? It is my hope that this addition does not require the aid of a calculator.

Three common types of abuse that exist in our society are physical, sexual, and verbal. All three are severe but the one that seems to be ignored the most is the last one. Telling kids they are stupid and worthless can be more detrimental to their health than a spanking on the bottom. While a red welt on the surface of the skin will eventually disappear, a cutting remark has the potential to reside within one's memory for years, thus affecting their self-esteem and overall demeanor. We are around verbal abuse every day. Almost all of us have either been witnesses, victims, or instigators of this deceptive abuse. How many times have we been called, heard someone called, or called someone else stupid, dumb, worthless, etc...? I am guessing pondering that idea is a wake up call for many of us.

These negative comments can be so much more than just name-calling. For example, I have two little kids who are still quite young and not yet attending school. The other day my wife was talking with a lady and this lady made the comment, "I bet you can't wait for your kids to start school so that you don't have to have them at home during the day". This lady then went on to say how she didn't like the summer break because her kids were at home. My wife and I couldn't believe what we were hearing, especially since some of her kids were present at the time. What do you think her kids were thinking? Gee, our mom doesn't like it when we are around, there must be something wrong with us. This mother's comment may not seem very negative but it truly is. These are the comments that our kids remember and reflect on. Of course this is a family that has quite a few kids. May I offer some advice to parents? If you don't like having your kids around you then don't have them. I understand that as parents we need occasional breaks, but if you can't ever stand being around your kids then please do them a favor and don't bring them into your home. Another thing to consider is that if you don't like being around your kids chances are good it is your own fault. Their behavior at an early age often reflects your parenting skills.

I need to mention that saying good things to your kids can also have an extreme effect. I was visiting with a little girl the other day. She told me she was talking with her dad while he was watching television. While they were talking he told her that he was proud of her and that he loved her. This little girl was beaming and it had been twelve hours since this conversation with her dad had occurred. It is amazing how much impact we can have on our kids simply by what we say to them. Here is another example; my family was walking through a parking lot the other day and my little son starting running. We called for him to stop but he kept running. As I caught up to him I picked him up and explained the dangers of the parking lot and told him that he was a bad boy for not listening to me when I asked him to stop. My son then immediately looked at me and said, "No dad I'm a good boy, I'm a good boy dad". I realized that calling my son a bad boy had a negative impact on him. My wife corrected me and said that he is not a bad boy but what he was doing was bad. So we tell him that he is a good boy but he made a bad choice. Believe it or not, the two and a half year old responds well to that explanation. It sure is a good thing that I have such a smart wife. Perhaps we need to consider what kind of impact we want to have in our children's lives. The choice lies within us and the words we choose to speak. May we all try harder to offer words of kindness and love.