Focus On The Good

In the spring of 1998, my senior year in high school, I played the best baseball game of my entire life. I was 4 for 6 with the bat, including one homerun, one double, and two singles. Not to shabby for a skinny kid that was at the bottom of the batting order. Defensively I played equally amazing. I didn't commit one error and my uniform was covered in dirt and grass stains, which suggested I played hard. Normally I would have to rub dirt on my uniform after the game to trick people into thinking I actually played. Perhaps I should come clean and confess that we were playing against a junior varsity team. Nevertheless, those stats are still pretty sweet.

Amidst all of my rambling there is a point that I am trying to make. After the game, I rode home with my dad. During this short five mile drive we would usually talk about the game. I was sitting there with a smile on face feeling as though I had just won the World Series when he looked at me and said "what happened with those two wimpy grounders you hit?" I was stunned and confused. I was wondering if he was asleep the other four times I was at bat. Before I could reply I noticed he had a little smile on his face that indicated he was joking. He told me that he was proud of me and that I played great. I must say that those five seconds or so where I thought he was serious really made me feel bad. I couldn't understand why he would focus on the few negative aspects of the game when there were so many good things that I did. I often think about this experience when dealing with my own son. As parents we see our kids do good things and we see them do bad things. At times we want the whole world to know that the kid doing good stuff and being nice is ours, while other times we may try to convince people that they are adopted. As parents, do we take the time to point out the good that our kids are doing or do we only focus and obsess about the bad?

Let's take a look at two different scenarios. Scenario #1- You leave a list of chores for your kid to do while you go to the store. When you return, you realize that the chores have been completed, but not to your satisfaction. You instantly begin pointing out everything that your kid didn't do correctly (according to you). Now what happens is that your kid feels bad and becomes defensive and an argument soon erupts. Scenario #2- You leave a list of chores for your kid to do while you go to the store. When you return, you realize that the chores have been completed, but not to your satisfaction. Instead of pointing out the negative you tell your child thanks for all that they did. If they truly didn't complete a chore properly then you can take a few minutes to talk to them about how they can improve next time. Would you want to help someone who only criticizes you? How motivated would you be to help them the next time? This is how our kids feel. It is important that we teach them, and I don't think that criticizing is the best way to teach.

When I was learning to speak Spanish, I had a teacher tell me repeatedly that I would never learn it. He would constantly say that he wanted me to learn it but would do nothing but criticize my attempts. Not once did he ever offer any words of encouragement or give any praise. He was correct; I didn't learn Spanish, at least not from him. I would kind of like to look him up and swear at him in Spanish. Then I would ask him if I said it correctly. Let's not allow our kids to have these same feelings toward us. Look for the good and acknowledge it often. Recognizing the good and making a big deal out of what our kids are doing will go a lot further than tearing them down with negativity.