You Can't Be a Parent and a Friend

Hey, all you parents out there in newspaper reader land, I have a question. Is it possible to be a parent and a friend to your children at the same time? Let us think about this for a moment. First let's assign a definition to the word parent. A parent is someone who has children and teaches them about life. Parents set limits and boundaries and teach their kids what is wrong and right and when appropriate enforces rules and acts as the disciplinarian. A parent nurtures and provides basic needs for their children. Now let's look at what a friend is. A friend is someone who cares for you but isn't your provider and nurturer. Friends don't set limits for you but often help you test them. Friends usually have your back and don't judge you, they let you be you. Friends may come and go and change throughout your life. Parents are always your parents no matter what. So what is your answer? Can you be a parent and a friend to your kids?

I often hear people say that they want to be the cool parents. We all know these kinds of parents. They are the ones that our kids are constantly comparing us to. They say things like why can't you be like Johnny's (fake name to protect the innocent) parents? They are so cool, they let him stay out as late as he wants and do whatever he wants. In our kids eyes Johnny's parents look like the ideal parents when in reality these parents are avoiding parenting all together. What will happen to Johnny and his parents? Most likely one day Johnny will be so desperate for attention and guidance that he will do something drastic to get his parents attention. His parents will act surprised and say that they didn't see it coming. This statement is true; they didn't see it coming because they weren't looking. We need to be looking. We actually show our kids how much we love them and care for them by being a parent and not a friend. I hope that my kid's friends refer to me as a strict parent because that will indicate to me that I am doing a good job loving my children.

When I lived in Kansas there was this radio ad that they would play around the end of the school year. It was an anti-underage drinking advertisement. It started off saying that this time of the year is when kids go to prom and graduate from high school. Many kids take this opportunity to celebrate by having parties that involve alcohol. In order to keep this under control and to monitor their kids many parents are supervising these parties in their own homes, and even supply the beverages. The ad continues by saying "Although these parents have good intentions, it is still illegal". I could be wrong but I don't see any "good intentions" in this. Instead of having their underage kids go out and drink with their friends, parents supply the drinks to their kids in their own homes and think it is ok. Either way you look at it you are breaking the law. Is it better for your kid to rob a bank with his friends or with his parents? I don't think that I can picture a judge letting a kid off the hook because he was stealing with his parents present so that they could monitor the situation. Wake up parents! Be a parent and not a friend.

In today's ever changing world our kids are getting bombarded with all that crap that our society is throwing around. There are lots of people out there that can be friends to our kids. What our kids really need is a parent. So to answer that question, no, we can't be parents and friends to our kids. We have to be one or the other and I immensely hope that the majority of us will choose to be parents. We can be friendly but we can't be our kids' friends.