Scaring Kids Into Good Behavior

The other day I felt inspired to pad my resume for "Father of the Year" so I offered to bathe my two year old son. Everything was going smoothly until my son started doing his Michael Phelps impersonation. At first I was impressed thinking that perhaps I was in the presence of a future Olympic gold medalist, but then I quickly realized that the only thing happening was that I was getting soaked with dirty water. Not wanting my unexpected shower to continue, I decided to put an end to the madness. I was just about to tell my son that he would have to go to time out if that behavior continued. Before I could breathe out this warning, I envisioned in my mind placing a wet, slippery, and not to mention naked two year old on the designated time out location in the hallway. Who was I really going to be punishing? Would I really take him out of the bath and stick him in time out or was I just trying to scare him into good behavior? Needless to say, I avoided giving a warning that I knew I wouldn't act on. While distracting him with his toy cars the splashing soon stopped and the bath ended. Enthusiastically I gave myself a pat on the back and told my wife about my excellent piece of parenting. She didn't appear overly impressed. I share this story simply because this is one of the few times that I have felt somewhat successful as a parent.

It seems that no matter the location, I hear fake threats given to kids all of the time. At the grocery store, at church, at school, and at my very own home coming from my very own mouth. Kids are a lot smarter than we think. They know if our threats are going to carry any weight. So when we say things like; "You are not leaving this table until you eat everything on your plate", do we really mean it? If we did, there would be a lot of kids out there still sitting at the dinner table. How about when we say; "Touch that again and I will break your finger." I hope that parents aren't really out there breaking fingers. Even though that is one way to reduce our number of teenage shoplifters, it probably isn't the best idea. If I am the only one who has heard threats such as these, perhaps I had a dysfunctional childhood. For that story we will have to wait for another article.

We teach our children that lying is wrong. The best way to teach our children is by us being a good example. If we tell them they will have to remain seated until they finish all of their food and then let them leave anyway is that considered lying? I would think that saying one thing while doing another is considered lying, and that we should be wary of what message we are sending our kids. My point isn't to say that we as parents are liars, only that we need to think about those phony warnings that we yell out in our moments of anger. Do we really mean it or are we just trying to scare them into good behavior?