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Friday, August 29, 2014

The Joys We Live For

Posted Thursday, December 8, 2011, at 9:07 AM

Joys will come to you/back to you.  Some small, some so immense they will take your breath away.  Some that you think would be great, will be less.  Then something will come along so slight, and give you the greatest hope for more.  You will be able to look at it, and see for the first time thru your own eyes, that "this" is something to live for. 
What we 'live' for changes as we age.  As a teenage girl, a boyfriend is consuming.  As a bride, her husband.  As a young mother, the soft rosy cheek of a newborn waking up in the morning, and later, tiny fingers curling around yours and bright blue/brown (I had both colors) eyes looking up adoringly at you.  Later, feeling the belly move under my hand of my Daughter's first child, wondering what joys lay ahead.  I thought I was about as happy as I could be. 

My daughter honored me by sharing that moment with me, while Austin came into this world.  The delivery was a bit rough, and I was scared, having lost a child at birth.  At times, fears for my children are over whelming, and when I'm scared for them, I'm at times irrationally screaming inside my head.  I've never ever been one to speak much of my fears, but if you could hear in my head..... I saw the fear in my daughter's eyes, while I smiled down at her and told her she was doing great, and promised all would be well.  Praying to God that he make it so.  And when Austin appeared in that room, where 5 people had been, making the population 6, my heart sang!  If you've ever had the opportunity to share in a moment such as that, please realize, it's an honor that should never be taken lightly.  That evening, while I held my first Grandson in my arms, I dreamed of spending time with this amazing gift from God.  I thought I was as happy as I could possibly be.

 Baby Austin

Those first years with Austin, we played and I sang silly songs to him.  I'd sit in the yard and watch him learn in the grass, and wear his little CarHart Overalls and such cute little shoes.  I bought him his first McDonald's Happy Meal, and sat and watched him try to eat it.  My daughter was finishing her college.  I thought I was about as happy as I could be. 

austin and eclipse 2austin

I watched Cash come into this world also and introduced him to his big Brother.  Happier still.

Austin meets Cash

cashteamsorting

My son raised the bar on Happiness.  He met Jessica Miller the day before Thanksgiving 6 years ago, and it was pretty obvious, that now I had another daughter, and a bonus Grand daughter, Jillian.  Seriously, How happy can a person become?  When Jess let me be present for the birth of my Grandson Bryce, and I saw these 3 men come together for this moment....I knew...I can be even happier.

3generationsat homegreat granpda

 

I was  a single woman, living these joys on my own.  I was happy, because I had a great supportive family and friends.   It was what I wanted.  I took myself on some vacations, with friends who  made me happy and I took my son also.  I loved those vacations and I was happy to have those experiences.

Acapulco, goofing off with my friend           

Acapulcobimbo

My first time on a cruise ship.  Oh man, I was excited and immediately hooked!

cruise

Joey's 1st Cruise his Senior YR in HS.  I realize not every Mom takes her youngest son on a cruise.  But he had that experience, and I wouldn't want him not to have

Cozumel with the Corders

bcozumel

             Grand Cayman, I took my son to Hell and Back                      

Harley Davidsonhell

Ziplining in Jamaica, amazing fun!

zip

Xtapa & Manzanillo

xtapastranger

 

Wayne and I became a couple somewhat in spite of ourselves.  We went to High School together, right here in Mountain Home. So obviously I knew him.   Though I had 'plans' of being independent,  one day, I flip flopped ... and accepted this Man into my life.  It's a happiness I wouldn't want to be without.  Now in my old age, I will have someone to fight over the remote with.

me and himout the gate

I could go on and on about what will make us happiest.  I have 8 Grandchildren now and one on the way!  But the fact is, we don't really know what the greatest happiness will be.  I've lived in the same house now for over 22 years.  It's small and humble, and it's certainly been full of joy and happiness over the years.  Never assume that the joy you feel now, is as good as it gets.  Along with that, also know without doubt, that the despair you may be feeling now, is not permanent.  It can seem to "go on forever" and cause you such physical pain that getting out of bed in the morning is next to impossible.  Sadly, it may not be as bad as it gets.  But it's not permanent.  Ever. 

Life seems so cruel sometimes, I can't say why.  But what I've come to know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that life is meant for living.  You have to open your eyes to the little things.  They are there for the looking at.  If you don't have a family to go to, develop an extended family.  Some of them can be so much more than you can ever have imagined in your wildest desperate dreams.  I have friends who have cried beside me, for me, because of me.  As I have them. 

Over the years, I've lost friends who I thought were forever friends.  I'm not saying why, but when I realized what I realized, I was able to 'walk away' and never look back wishing for them to be part of my life.  You've all had those people in your lives, and they can drag you down.  Let them go, and open up your eyes/heart for welcoming  someone/something new.  I always tell my children (and some day I'm sure I'll tell Grandchildren) that friends and family are NOT supposed to make life harder for you.  Once in a while, they can be disagreeable, but it shouldn't be a lifestyle of worry for you.  Friends and family are meant to  support you and lift you up.  Just as you have to have that dedication to them.  Whether family or not, if you have to walk away, so be it.  Don't threaten it.  Don't hang it over them.  And don't do it over spilled milk. 

Look for joy, and accept it.  Bring joy to others, so they can accept it. 

I really have no idea what is going to make me the "Happiest"  But I have come to know, that I have no idea how happy I can be.  Each time the bar is raised higher, and I just accept and hopefully appreciate each and every person that has brought an ounce to me.  The teenage girl that I was, had no idea really, what true happiness was.  I remember at times, she just wanted a new pair of jeans or maybe a new car.  None of that was what really gave me warmth.  But I was not wrong to want those things. 

Life is meant to appreciate.  Children for me are a life Saver.  I really can't think that they wouldn't be for everyone, if allowed.  They KNOW how to enjoy!  They will try to catch a butterfly, but if they can't, it's OK.  They'll stick their tongue out to catch a SnowFlake.  And then they'll swear it takes sweet.  When you walk away, they might throw a loop around your head ...(cuz you taught them how), or a snow ball will plop on your back.  Don't be mad.... be thankful. 

Roy's blog made me think of these things....and I thought I'd share these thoughts. 

Jessie

Prayer by horse


Comments
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This is just beautiful. I was fortunate to be present at my three granchildren's births. It was an awesome thing!

KaeLynn was long and skinny. And we didn't get to hold her much because she was premature. Every day, we marveled at her toughness and how beautiful she was. She had the longest legs that I had ever seen on a baby.

Nathaniel came out making noise. His eyes were wide open and he looked around for 1 1/2 after he was born. At the moment of birth, he looked straight at me and the doctor.

I didn't get a front row seat at Gavin's birth, but I was there and was able to hold him after they cleaned him up. He had some little laugh going for over 20 minutes even the nurses commented on it.

We are so blessed. Thank you Jessie for the wonderful blog. I am going to share it when I get home.

-- Posted by KH Gal on Thu, Dec 8, 2011, at 11:31 AM

We are blessed.... and thank you for enjoying my thoughts

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Dec 8, 2011, at 1:30 PM

Somehow, someway, I almost always find something in life to give me a smile. Yup, sometimes you have to look for it, but IT is out there. God Bless you Jessie.

-- Posted by royincaldwell on Thu, Dec 8, 2011, at 7:32 PM

Roy, this blog is somewhat dedicated to you. You really made me think deeply about happiness...and what makes you happy. Every year, it seems, it changes.

Obviously, this is dedicated to my friends and family. I have a great support system in place. I hope this is a comfort to someone who may need it. Or just a pleasure to read.

Thanks!

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Dec 8, 2011, at 7:50 PM

Why thank you Jessie. Like I've said, this is a sort of therapy for me. I'm sure that at least one person will comfort from your beautiful blog.

-- Posted by royincaldwell on Thu, Dec 8, 2011, at 8:34 PM

I missed my only grandson's birth in part because my only daughter had been in labor for 30 some hours and my oxygen tank is only good for about 4 hours. That's my excuse anyway. The truth is that I was not sure I had done right by raising her the way I did and didn't, if that makes sense. She was on her own for this one, which is what I wanted for both of us.

I'm am sure that I can't atone for the times I wasn't around for her, but the little man is three years old now and has her pulling at her hair most of the time but will mind poppa in a heartbeat, so I'm thinking it's all good.

Thanks for the blog, Jessie, I will pass it on to Brandi.

-- Posted by wh67 on Fri, Dec 9, 2011, at 11:20 AM

WH, I think maybe we all have regrets about our child rearing skills. I thinnk I might have been too strict,.... Wish I had lightened up a bit. But on the other hand, I have great children, who have grown to adults that make me proud. And they spend time hanging out with me, so they have no regrets that are too bad.

Thanks for your comment!

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Fri, Dec 9, 2011, at 11:57 AM

seeing austin in those coveralls all chubby like that makes me tear up a bit... he's so adorable!!

-- Posted by ktlm on Wed, Dec 14, 2011, at 9:23 AM

I LOVED those coveralls on him. When he and I would play, I couldn't wait to dress him up in those! And off we'd go to play with the horse water faucets. He loved spraying himself, the horses and me!

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Dec 15, 2011, at 8:27 AM


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Jessie Miller
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I am interested in this Community, County, and the beautiful state of Idaho. Most of my photos will be in Idaho, but from time to time, they will be my vacations aay from Idaho. You'll see lots of my Children and Grand children, along with others in my family. Of course there will be horses and horse related things, and things I photo'd horseback.
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