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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Joseph Samual Cox/Evan Miller

Posted Thursday, November 3, 2011, at 10:52 AM

I like the blog that Bonnie did last.   It makes me think of people gone from our lives here on this Earth, but with us always in Spirit. 
I'm one who would love to have moments back with loved ones.... but I'm one to never wish the past would change.  (I know that isn't what you meant, to change the past, but I have a hesitation to ever change/wish it different)  Though I don't want to change the past, I do sooo wish for things to have been "different" at times in my life.  It's hard to say at what point it might have been best changed.... so, I leave it alone
I would love to have seen my GrandFather's face when I had a chance to introduce him to my oldest son, Evan.  I was in labor when my Grandfather died.  And I felt guilty because there was so much sadness.  I finally had to 'fess up and say I had to go to the hospital.  I laid in the hospital holding my firstborn Son, while my mother was at her Father's funeral.  Such joy, while at the same time such sorrow.  My Grandfather was what a Grandfather should be.  A lap to sit in, and a big strong man in a plaid Woolrich shirt, that I loved to lay my cheek against.  He loved to play and was never too stern, though I knew I must behave.  (Grandma might be around the corner!)

This Birth/Death shows that there is always a "Silver Lining", or, when "One Door Closes, Another Door Opens".  There are a multitude of sayings that describe that type of situation. 

I loved my Grandfather immensely.  I know  you're supposed to, but I truly did.  I remember BBQing at their house in Nampa, Him and I going to KFC to get a "Bucket O chicken" and then coming home to shuck corn.  I can still picture the corn silk stuck to my fingers and watching it float in the air with the sunlight sparkling off it.  He was a quiet man, and I just loved him.  Simply, Quietly.  Just as he was, Simple and Quiet. 

Losing him would have been so much more difficult, though I didn't see it at the time, without the joy of having Evan.  Evan was my second born child.  My daughter has passed shortly after her birth, which is something you never really leave behind you.  That kind of event changes who you were, instantly. 

As a child, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you "A Mommy"  I wanted 4 children, and that is what I have.  3 Living here with me. 

Evan was never meant to fill the loss of my daughter, but I did long to have him fill the empty spot in my arms.  I had a beautiful nursery, just waiting for a baby.  There were times I would sit in there and be overcome with sorrow, but when my oldest son was carried into that room the first time, it became a place of Love and Happiness. 

I know that all Mother's love their children (in a perfect world) ... but I will say that my life REVOLVED around Evan and his smiles and giggles.  My husband and I tried to make sure he was strong minded and unafraid to speak  his mind.  (sometimes now, I cringe at what he's not afraid to say) We tried to make sure he was physically able to do whatever he needed/wanted to do, and again, unafraid of doing it. (at times I cringed knowing we had to go to the hospital)  I wanted him to be kind and gentle, and strong and firm when a situation called for it.  (sometimes My heart wants to explode when I see his amazingly strong hands touch a baby with the softness of a butterfly) We raised him to be loyal and never fail to be where he was needed, even if it meant giving up on something else.  I have seen him demand all of these things by his simply "being".

I was a strict disciplinarian ...looking back I think too much so.  But one of my absolute wishes for my children was for them to be honest and upright.  I never have been regretful at the way they have become adults. 

I have seen such tenderness in that tough man, that it takes my breath away.  Such giving and thoughtfullness and love for his own little family.  Such Loyalty.  Every good thing I wish that people to have, is possessed in my son's soul.

What would I change from the past?  Not really anything, though just once I would have loved to lay my son in my Grandfather's lap, and see his pride.  But really, I feel it.  My son will be a grandfather one day, and his grandchildren will crawl up in his lap and cherish those moments of laughter and joy.

I have some of my Grandfather's old Wool Woolrich plaid shirt/jackets, so I still get my hugs too. I was wearing one once out at a branding on a real cold day.  I was standing with my back to the fire, and my shirt (his shirt) and my hair actually got singed!  That shirt had a black sooty looking spot for awhile, but it's gone now, though I never wash it (afraid of hurting it) .... it's a good as new I guess, somehow.  Maybe he too care of it for me.  I think of him every time I put one of those on. 

Jessie


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Thank you Ardie & Linda.

Ardie those are some memories huh?

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 1:59 PM

I didn't get the opportunity to know my grandparents but my children had wonderful grandparents in their Dad's parents. Your story reminds me how happy their Grandpa was to have a new grandchild to spoil. He had given up hope of having another grandchild around; it had been 14 years since the youngest had been born. We lived across the street from my in-laws which, at times, seemed too close, but I always knew that my children had the BEST Grandparents!

-- Posted by Snoshu2000 on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 1:33 PM

Another nice family story! I had forgotten about you being in labor. I remember going over to Granddad's house to invite him to pizza with me, mom, Casey (who was 1 yr old) and Anneke that night. He said no, that he had already eaten. He passed during the hour or so that we were gone. When we got back to the house, mom noticed the lights were off in granddad's house across the street and it was getting pretty dark. She went over to check on him while I went in their house with the kids. Poor mom was alone when she found him in his recliner. Granddad's goal was to stick around long enough to take care of Grandma. When she passed, just weeks before he did, he was ready to go. They were awesome grandparents and we have an awesome family.

-- Posted by Ardie on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 1:01 PM

Katie, Trust me, there will be a blog on my KTLM also. You just keep watching

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 12:04 PM

I think sometimes you write just to make people cry.

-- Posted by ktlm on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 11:38 AM

Indeed!

-- Posted by jessiemiller on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 11:34 AM

Jessie:

Grandparents are sooooo important in our lives. I never knew my dad's parents and rarely got to see my mom's. But I loved the fact of big families.

Dad had lots of shirts when he died. Last year, Mom told everyone to pick a few out to have. I took several and ended up having a lap quilt made for Mom with some of them and now we are having Christmas stockings made with parts of the other shirts. He loved Christmas so and everytime we see that stocking we will remember how excited he got on Christmas.

One great=granchild was born just two days after Dad passed away. My niece Andrea had a dream that Zane and Dad met each other as he was leaving this world and Zane was coming to ours.

Such love and memories make us wealthy in a lasting sort of way.

-- Posted by KH Gal on Thu, Nov 3, 2011, at 11:24 AM


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Jessie Miller
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I am interested in this Community, County, and the beautiful state of Idaho. Most of my photos will be in Idaho, but from time to time, they will be my vacations aay from Idaho. You'll see lots of my Children and Grand children, along with others in my family. Of course there will be horses and horse related things, and things I photo'd horseback.
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