High-tech headaches make me consider aquaculture

Technology is such an integral part of our lives that it behooves you to be savvy in the ways of the digital domain. And tech is so simple! You need only two things to be a cyber warrior:

1. A doctorate's in computer science.

2. A tanker truck filled with Sam Adams beer.

On a daily basis I run into some little problem; some trifling, niggling, aggravating, yanking-my-hair-out-by-the-roots malfunction that makes me ask: Wouldn't I be better off raising sea monkeys for a living?

Such was the case Tuesday night when I set a daunting task for myself: Import the bookmarks from my PC to my laptop and install new virus-checking software.

I was dreading the virus software installation. Virus software is like a flu shot -- it has to make you a little sick to keep you well. Turns out the software went in without a hitch.

The bookmark installation, which should have taken all of 30 seconds, turned out to be the throw-the-laptop-out-the-upstairs-window ordeal.

I exported my PC bookmarks to an HTML file and popped into a flash drive, which I plugged into the laptop. I dragged it to the desktop, fired up the browser and tried to import it. Halfway through the process the browser gagged and choked, telling me, "This is not a valid bookmark file."

Wait a minute.

I'm exporting from Internet Explorer and importing TO Internet Explorer. Even Microsoft couldn't figure out a way for its own files to be incompatible, right?

Wrong.

After an hour of changing file extensions, selecting different folders and inventing new cusswords, I finally turned to the Internet for an answer. I Googled the error message and found dozens of entries. I would like to thank Mr. Ramesh Srinivasan for the answer.

Seems IE7 and IE8 don't talk to one another, like the newest version of Word won't talk to all the older versions (snob). I had to open the bookmark file with Notepad and convert it to an ANSI file, THEN import it (creep). But it worked.

Later, I decided to watch TV while munching on microwave popcorn. I had the audacity to change channels and something happened. I'm still not sure what.

Suddenly the audio vanished from all channels except Channel 11, which produced a clear audio signal -- in Spanish. I didn't know my TV was bilingual.

I searched high and low through the menu to convert the audio back to English. I disconnected components and plugged the cable input directly into the TV. No luck. "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" was still proclaiming "Mi hombre!"

Finally, in desperation, I unplugged the TV and let it sit for a few hours with no power. When I plugged it back in, voila! Blessed audio -- in English.

An hour later and without me laying a hand on the remote, the TV switched back to no-sound-except-Spanish-on-Channel-11 mode.

That grinding sound you hear is my teeth. But I'll figure out. Could be the remote. Could be Martians.

Could be time for the sea monkeys.