girlfriend+sword = always right

"I'm only going to say this once."

Yesterday was just another day for a 21-year-old male living in Forth Worth, Texas.

Then he came home, where his 20-year-old girlfriend was waiting angrily for him. It turns out it was his turn to do the dishes, or at least she thought it was his turn to do the dishes, and he hadn't done them.

She got mad at him, told him to leave, he said no and so she did what every other crazy girlfriend would do: she bit him in the shoulder, broke a picture frame across the face and to help get her point across, swung a two-foot sword at him.

Luckily for him, she missed. She's now out on a $10,000 bail and he's either looking for a new place to live or enjoying some crazy-good make up sex.

Guys, if your girlfriend owns a sword, assume she's always right. If your girlfriend doesn't own a sword, imagine that she does and assume she is always right. Chances are, she probably is. Also, if your girlfriend doesn't own a sword, never under any circumstances buy her one.

As crazy as getting swung at with a sword for not doing the dishes sounds, it's not the first time this year something like this has happene . In July, two women (20 and 22) were arrested in Waupun, Wisc., for fighting over the fact the dishes weren't done. They got in a fist fight before one of them ended the fight by hitting the other in the head with a pot. No word on rather or not it was a clean pot or one of the dirty one's in question.

Apparently, fighting over whose turn it is to do the dishes can be fun. So much so, this crazy lady staged her own fight with Survivor Gabon Jeff Probst over not doing them.

Dishes aren't the only time swords are used to settle disputes. In Redding, a 61-year-old man, James Smidt, attacked his buddy with a machete after he wouldn't share a case of beer with him. I personally think anyone who doesn't share a beer with a buddy who has an entire case to himself, isn't a buddy at all and deserves whatever comes his way. The State of California disagrees with me and sent him to jail for nine years.

In Washington last week, a jury convicted Kareem Michael Lamont Allen of second-degree murder for stabbing Iam Flemming Franks in the heart over a dispute over a DVD. Franks attempted to pay Allen $20 for the lost movie but apparently Allen doesn't like money. It's a crazy world we live in today.

Outside of Seattle, fighting over iPods is a family affair. Earlier this year, a 13-year-old son asked Dad to get off the Internet so he could download new tunes to his iPod. Dad said no then shortly later left the room. Son does what everyone else in his position would do and jumped on the computer the moment he left the room. Dad came back, wasn't happy and took his iPod away. Sounds pretty reasonable. Son didn't think so and took a chunk of finger skin from his dad using his teeth then kicked him in the groin a few times. Mom comes in the room and punches dad a few times in the face then leaves with her son. Mom got arrested on fourth-degree assault.

In Australia a woman pleaded guilty to stabbing her boyfriend of two years to death who wouldn't let her listen to Bruce Springsteen in May.

Not liking The Boss isn't the only thing that can be hazzardous to your health. Not liking Woody Allen can lead to a good butt kicking in jail.

Thinking American football is better than Aussie Rules can also be bad for your health.

Famous people who aren't that famous like to get arrested for stupid stuff too. Like fighting over seats at the airport.

Tuesday was a busy day for police everywhere. In Shreveport, La., police arrested a couple for fighting over a cell phone.

Fighting over cell phones shows we've come a long way as a society. In 1995, fighting over the remote was all the rage.

Sometimes smart people do stupid things and get arrested. And sometimes it's funny. Sometimes stupid people do stupid things, like mate. And that's not funny. Those people should just be shot. In the private area.