You can poke an eye out with those panties

Sarah Chalke, Hanes' newest spokesperson.

As I walked into the house with the catalog to set it on the counter, I couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous of women.

When I need new underwear, I go to Wal-Mart and get a four-pack of underwear for like $10 bucks or something.

Women get magazines with 60 different types of underwear to pick from sent to them.

I've worn the exact same type of underwear since the eight grade. The only change to my drawers came when Hanes came out with the ComfortSoft waistband, eliminating the elastic band and tag found on most underwear.

The only decision I get to make is if I want the pack with two red boxer briefs, a blue one and a black pair or the pack with two blue boxer briefs, a red pair and a black one.

Girls get to decide between bikinis, boyshorts, briefs, thongs, G/V-strings, no-show panties and something called cheekies and hiphuggers. And they come in about 400 different colors.

I used to love wearing cartoon-theme underwear as a kid. When Fruit of the Loom made grown up size cartoon underwear, they only made them for girls. It's pretty unfair, if you ask me.

However, maybe it's not all bad not being able to shop (or choosing not to, however you look at it) at Victoria's Secret.

Apparently, V.S. underwear can be hazards to your health. This 52-year old lady from Los Angles claims she nearly lost her eye trying to put on a V-string. If you're not sure what a V-string is, I did some research. It's like a G-string, but made by Victoria's Secret and goes by a different name to imply it's more classy than a G-string.

Nothing says classy like a 52-year old lady wearing underwear from a line called "Sexy Little Thing."

Anyways, in May, she alleges a design problem caused the decorative piece to come loose and strike her in the eye, causing damage to her cornea, according to the Smoking Gun.

She had to miss work for a few days and her attorney said it will affect her for the rest of her life.

Prior to the lawsuit's filing, Victoria's Secret officials asked to examine the garment and the decorative piece, but that request was rejected by her lawyer who no doubt saw the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer sees a lady walking down the street wearing a bra and crashes his car, sues her, then tells his attorney to make her wear the bra only to find out it doesn't fit over her clothes and loses the case.

So not only are my Hanes safe for my wallet, there safe for my eyes too. And they are so comfortable, Cuba Gooding, Jr. wears Michael Jordan's Hanes. Maybe I'm not missing out on much.